The 9 BFF’s of Friendship

This past Sunday we talked about the power of being connected in Biblical Friendship and as a part of that message I listed the 9 BFFs of Friendship. We had alot of fun with this and I hope you will too. You can download the entire message here. 

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

1. Be - Feverishly Friendly - 

There is an old saying that goes, “If you want friends be friendly.” it’s common sense and it’s the truth. 

Proverbs 27:9 (ESV)

“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.”

Sometimes I talk to people who wonder why they don’t have friends, and I listen to how they talk to their parents, how they talk about people behind their backs, and I think to myself. Are you serious? This is how you talk to and about people and you wonder why your lonely? If I have relationship with that person, I usually take time to address the issue. Some people don’t want friends, they want people to puff them up, they want people that they can use or manipulate. Those are people to love at a distance. Real friends are willing to sacrifice, and even hurt when they have to:

Proverbs 27:6

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”

I am thankful for the men in my life who love me enough to speak the truth to me. They never do it out of meanness, they never do it out of a desire to get even. They do it out of love. That is what friends do. 

2. Be - Fanatically Faithful - 

I have been a part of several teams growing up, teams that won championships and teams that were terrible, and I can tell you the difference between the two. On those teams that won and tasted victory there was a sense of trust. A sense that someone had your back. You would go to war with these people. Faithfulness isn’t proven in convenience it is proven when everything  around you has gone to pot and you even want to give up on yourself but then that person is right there, fighting with you and fighting for you.

Proverbs 17:17

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

But it’s not just in those big times or tragedy, it is even in the words you say that your friend may never even hear:

Ephesians 4:29-32 

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

We are to build one another up, to each other’s face yes, but often the most impactfull compliments come in the third person, when someone else tells you the good that someone else has said about you. Spread good gossip! Try to find yourself bragging on the good people do that they never get acknowledged for. Plant good seeds not evil ones.

3. Be - Fully Focused - 

A lot of things have changed in the last 10 years, probably one of the biggest changes is our connectivity to the world at large. You can jump on your computer, phone, or tablet any where or anytime and be connected to the world. This is an area where I struggle. It is so easy to pull out my phone and give my attention to Facebook or Twitter, it can be so easy to go ahead and take that call, answer that text... and I miss what is going on with my family. Bridget and I just got into it this weekend about this very issue and I was wrong and had to ask her for forgiveness. I know I’m not the only person who deals with this. It happens with books, newspapers, when people watch the game, there are a million ways for us to zone out and be in attendance physically but not present mentally or emotionally in the moment. We check out and miss so much of what is going on around us!

God wants us to be fully focused in our relationships. If we can’t give our spouse or our kids our full attention, how in the world will we be able to give it to God? 

Psalm 46:10

“Be still and know that I am God.”

I’m not saying you can’t have those moments where you just spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. But I am saying our spouses, our kids, our families and friends are way more valuable than any social network, book, game, or program. Take some time to be fully focused and really invest in those relationships.

4. Be - Fixated on Forever -

“God has... planted eternity in the human heart.”

Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NLT)

You and I were created for eternity. And we should be aware that the lives we live can and will have an eternal impact on others. We are to spur one another on to good deeds, to confess our sins one to another, to lay down our lives, these things all have eternal consequences. When we see someone floundering, we pick them up, they might be our good Samaritan one day. The relationships we build now, the love we share now, will carry on forever. We need to do all we can to have as many people waiting at the gates for us as possible. If we want to make the biggest impact then we must...

5. Be - Fond of Forfeiture - 

Jesus of course, being the ultimate example in all ways, shows us what the strongest form of friendship looks like.

John 15:13 (HCSB)

13 No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends.

Biblical friends are friends for friendship’s sake. There is no hint of selfishness, no hint of taking advantage, and no hint of self serving, but there is love in many forms. In Biblical Friendship you elevate others above yourself, giving honor at the greatest expense. You don’t set up people to fail, because Jesus didn’t set up people to fail. But when they do...

6. Be - Fostering of Forgiveness - Keep the list short lived and short in length

Colossians 3:12-14 

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

We are human and that means 2 things, 1.) we are highly relational, and 2.) prone to failure. And just as God has a wide grace that covers our sins, so must we have grace for others when they fail. For a few reasons:

Matthew 6:15

But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

John 13:35

“By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

The converse of this is also true. If you hold a deep grudge against someone, if you are harboring a hate and a refusal to forgive, your witness for Christ is also shot. We need to be forgiving because that is the model Christ displayed for us, he even forgave people on the Cross! When have any of us ever faced the type of betrayal and pain Christ felt, and yet he forgave! Forgiveness is the chief distinction of our faith. If you won’t do it, you don’t have it. And you smear God’s name as well. 

That is why we work to resolve differences, that is why we work to solve problems, and to make things right. This isn’t to say that toxic relationships are to be tolerated, that abuse is to be entered back into. Not in all! Not in the least! Healthy relational boundaries including cutting off contact all together are outlined in the Bible. But even in those cases God directs us to forgive lest the seed of bitterness choke out the light of God’s love in our lives. 

These last 3 are for Married people only, but understand these first 6 come first. The strongest marriages have friendship as a base. Work on friendship with your spouse, build it up, be a better friend, and then follow the rest of these:

7. Be - Fearful of Fornication

Proverbs 7:24-27

24 So listen to me, my sons,
      and pay attention to my words.
 25 Don’t let your hearts stray away toward her.
      Don’t wander down her wayward path.
 26 For she has been the ruin of many;
      many men have been her victims.
 27 Her house is the road to the grave.
      Her bedroom is the den of death.

Did you hear that? This verse talks about the tempting adulteress and says, “Her bedroom is the den of death!” Run from that temptation! Run! Guard not only against the actions, guard against the thought! Jesus was talking when he said:

Matthew 5:28

“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Men God gave you your wife. Women, God gave you your husband. They are to be your standard for beauty. They are to be the aim of your affection. The only place God planned for sex is within the bounds of marriage. And that is not the only place for it, it is the best place for it! I know society says something different, even many people in the church kind of wink at God’s plan for sex, but God’s plan is good. Relationships that are born out of affairs are more than 75% likely to fail, which says nothing about the health and happiness of the relationship. God has a much better plan than that! I have shared with you that Christians who regularly attend church and stay married, report the highest levels of satisfaction, better levels of health, they even live longer... That woman or that man who is tempting you will kill you! Embrace the one God gave you and He bless you with in your marriage. But while your at it...

8. Be - Fantastically Flirty

Song of Solomon 1:15-17

15 How beautiful you are, my darling,
      how beautiful!
      Your eyes are like doves.

 16 You are so handsome, my love,
      pleasing beyond words!
   The soft grass is our bed;
    17 fragrant cedar branches are the beams of our house,
      and pleasant smelling firs are the rafters.

This is the language of a bride and groom teasing and flirting with each other. This is biblical flirting in marriage and it serves to keep the fire burning, to stave off boredom. It doesn’t have to be overtly sexual, it can just be attentiveness, but if your going to flirt with your spouse you need to...

9. Be - Fond of Fire - pursue passion in the relationship. The only place God intends us to have friends with benefits is in marriage! He created sex. He said it is not good for man to be alone. He said be fruitful and multiply. He said it is not good for man to burn in passion, God wants us to do something with that fire.

The whole book of the Song of Solomon is dedicated to this very thing. Sex between man and wife is regarded as a beautiful act of worship. Some say we shouldn’t talk about this in church, but this isn’t what happened in the Jewish communities that Christianity was born out of. As a part of their worship they read from the Song of Solomon, a book that is all about the nature of sex in marriage. This is what Wikepidia, says about the Song of Solomon:

According to Ashkenazi Jewish tradition, it is read on Shabbat that falls during the intermediate days of Passover. In the Sephardi community, or the Spanish Jews, it is recited every Friday night.

The Bible is clear God designed and purposed sex in marriage to populate the earth and to strengthen the marital connection. Be fond of the fire don’t just let it die out! Play with this fire and you will get burned, and you’ll like it! God desires that we experience and pursue Red Hot Monogamy, Red Hot Romance, keep it alive and pursue it! Pursue your spouse in a God honoring fashion, and God will honor your marriage!

When your connected at home in the way that God intends, you will have a relationship that is different than that of the world. You will have something that speaks to others, that leaves an impression. When influence is granted in the home, it spreads to other areas of life. Practice these 9 BFFs of Friendship and reap the rewards that God gives us in relationship.